We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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