There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
