Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
