I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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