overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
