just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
