we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
