i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
