And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Success! We fucked roommates!
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