did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
