I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
