She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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