I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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