My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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