5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
