Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
