Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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