So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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