i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
