I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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