I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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