You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
