my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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