she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
vagina is talking i cant
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Still dying that you shit outside
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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