Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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