He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
