If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
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When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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