God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
