listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
