I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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