Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
