"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
