just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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