I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I can text with my tongue
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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