I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
