im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
