I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
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