Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
