I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
