ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
