I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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