Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
