i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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