I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
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It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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