she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
