dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
