I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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