college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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