TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
