Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
