Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
