She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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