How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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