This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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