i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
