my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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