we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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