1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
