Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
There r osticjed everywhere
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
