I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
