You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
