I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
COCAINE IS GR8
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
