is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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