i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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