New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
