yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
