Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Randomize
