so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Less talking, more tequila
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
