Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
