So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm just crazy horny about you
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
