I cockslap morals
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
