The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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