It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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