On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
