Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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