i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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