Christians are straight up FREAKS
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
