You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
